I touch the place where I'd find your face;

[Nikki]

Your words in my memory, are like music to me.
Miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground & I pray that something picks me up
& sets me down in your warm arms.

[ Set the Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol feat. Martha Wainwright ]

Je ne sais pas par ou commencer.
J'ai le coeur tellement explose, ca me surprend que je ne vois pas le sang traverser ma peau ainsi que mon pull.
Trop de choses, trop d'emotions, trop de colere, trop de tristesse. Et le pire, c'est de ne pas savoir sur qui m'appuyer. Le seul sur qui je pouvais vraiment compter sur tout, avec qui je pouvais parler des heures, le seul que je laissais m'aimer et que j'avais reussi a aimer...bah, je ne peut pas avec lui. Je lui en veut, maintenant, parce-que tout l'amour qu'il m'a donne il l'a retire en un geste, parce-que j'ai ete en retard un soir. Cette fameuse nuit, ou j'aurais du rentrer 3h plus tot, ou j'aurais pu garder mon Lui. Et puis, il a ses propres problemes, et je ne veut pas interferer...
Mais alors qui? J'ai l'impression de gueuler, de pleurer, et y'a personne pour m'entendre. Je ne sais meme pas de quoi j'ai besoin...d'amour, de tendresse, mais j'en ai peur, meme venant de Lui. Pourquoi? Peut-etre parce-que j'ai peur qu'on me retire le tout avec un claquement de doigts.
J'ai peur de tout deballer ici aussi, ca fait bizarre, ca fait trop longtemps que je n'ai pas eue de blog. De plus que ce clavier qwerty sans accents me rend folle (c'est chiant d'etre perfectionniste hein.)

J'ai juste envie de quelqu'un, d'une presence, d'amour et de protection. Mais meme ca je suis incapable d'assumer. Apprend a assumer tes envies, Nicole, c'est normal d'en avoir. Oui, mais ca me rend chiante, je demande trop, je demande toujours.

Demain, je sors finalement. Je suis restee dans mon appart' avec mon chat depuis Vendredi soir sans sortir une seule fois. Putain, ce que ca va faire du bien, d'etre avec un peu de monde - meme si j'angoisse un peu. Laisse toi aller - enjoy the moment !

Pardon, c'est court et en plus c'est de partout - un article sans forme. \o/
Une chose de constructif que j'ai reussi a faire: ecrire 6 chansons pendant ces 4 jours.

Je vais meme poster la meilleure (je trouve) - et oui, c'est long.

Adam

I heard you through the rain
Then some phone call from you
Made me go insane
And I think about you almost every day
But all the things I would say
Would nearly make you go away.
I thought I was always right
And believing you makes me wrong

I can play along
I can play along, along

And you said
It was cold outside
But I couldn't hear you
When you said it
Because I wasn't listening
You said I was not acting right
But, I couldn't hear you 'cause I was doing something
Now I don't have time for this
And if you think I do you should see the shit I've taken on
I ignored you 'till it all fell upon me
But the person you all know, is not the person I knew then

I thought I wasn't losing weight
But it was someone else who said they thought I wasn't doing great
and now I'll find out even when I'm 95
Because all I think of is how lucky our lives would be like

And the lady sang but I marched right on
They knew,
Even when you preach her, it's not gonna get through
Cause in an empty shell, you've got no frame of mind
and the road you're heading on, it can last a long time

And you said,
it was cold outside.
But I couldn't hear you
When you said it
Because I wasn't listening
Too busy doing something

You've done enough for me
But the person you all know is not the person I knew then

You told everyone you were stumped
Shamelessly you felt so very alone
You came up with a tale or two
Did you not figure out
I would find out eventually
And it may be sick
But I'm much better off than you
Didn't you know by now, it wouldn't last
It would hurt you
But now, fade out with the truth
And when you die, I will be here to pass on the things I learned from you

And I have to admit it was 'cause of you I'm alive
And I have to admit it will kill me when you die
And I have to admit that it feels so fucked up
But the love you gave will never go away
I have to admit that good things never last
And it's not because I'm a pencil mess

I will let go, I will let go, I will let go
I will let go, I will let go, I will let go
Don't you know, I will never let you go.

And you smoked the pure bliss
But nothing's better than this

[4 ans que tu es parti pour l'autre monde, et on pense toujours a toi.]